


Their Kind of Town

by CommunityRadio



Category: Supernatural, Welcome to Night Vale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommunityRadio/pseuds/CommunityRadio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean Winchester come to Night Vale and start causing a stir immediately. Cecil narrates their adventure as they fall deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction to Creepy Friday

Hello listeners. I’m not going to beat around the bush today, because this news has got me particularly interested. Two attractive, plaid-clad men made their way into Night Vale yesterday. If you’d recall, it was a Friday. They came in a black nineteen sixty seven Chevrolet Impala, the first of many mysteries around them.  How did they make it into the town in such a vehicle? The City Council had, after all, outlawed black cars, presumably to prevent them from being confused with helicopters.  It also outlawed Chevrolet, both the company and the gender-neutral name.  Maybe their all-seeing eyes aren’t as all-seeing as we think. Either way, the car has been towed, which I suppose makes up for the fallacy of letting the strangers into the town.

After seeing their car taken away, one of the men started yelling profanity into the air, and had to be given a stern talk by the Sheriff’s Normal, Not Secret, Police.  They, the strangers, were let off with a warning, and promptly made their way to the Night Vale diner, where they started to talk rather loudly about demons. Whether this was an attempt at Creepy Friday or not, I cannot say. If it was an attempt, it was badly planned and not at all unnerving.  I mean, how much more cliché can you get than demons? Everybody’s exorcized a demon or two. This terrible crack  at Creepy Friday is made worse by the fact that Creepy Friday is, in fact, next week.

One of the men was described by Waitress Clara as “Frustrated, pouty, angsty, and likely with a mostly dead family. Two people deceased, I’d say, with one trapped in Hell. You can tell that about someone from their eyes. You can see the ghosts of their past flickering in their pupils.”

Waitress Clara described the other man as “Tall, with a mighty mane of hair and a moose-like presence.” When asked what a moose-like presence is, Waitress Clara shook her head and walked out of the room, as if we are expected to know by heart what a moose’s presence feels like. We live in the desert, Clara. The only moose I have ever seen was when I was five, a Sand Moose. It looked me in the eye from fifty feet away and I saw my future in the sky. That species of moose, I must add, is now extinct.  So take your sass somewhere else, Waitress Clara, because we certainly don’t need it here.

We sent Intern Brad to talk to the men on their way out of the diner, but he was brushed off rather rudely before getting any real answers. The strangers set off in a seemingly random direction, eventually checking into a cheap motel, where they have remained.

The Towing Service has handed off their car to the Sheriff’s Secret Police. A search turned up suits, weaponry, salt, holy water, magazines pornographic in nature, and several other odds and ends. The Police has donated the car to the Museum of Forbidden Technologies, and put all of the stranger’s belongings into another vehicle, a bright pink Mini-Cooper.  That’s it on this story for now. More as it develops.


	2. Angry Pie Eating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angels tell lies, but the Police is not quite sure how. The Winchesters are extremely unnerved by their new surroundings.

More information has come in concerning the story of the two strangers in our little town. They checked into the motel as Chad Simmons and Donald Richardson. However, one of Old Woman Josie’s angels showed up on our doorstep and told us that their names are in fact Sam and Dean Winchester. Shortly after this, a member of the Sheriff’s Secret Police poked their head in to remind us that angels are not real, and only tell lies. The angel came again after that, and said that they only lie when necessary, not unlike the City Council.

This resulted in a passive aggressive argument between the Policeman and the angel, reminiscent of that thing fifth graders do when they vow not to talk to someone and use you as a courier for their messages. The argument included gems such as “You’re not real and I can’t hear you, lalalalala” and “You are all too real, a mortal swimming through the seemingly endless ocean of life until you drink the saltwater and die. There will be no recompense for your sins and your soul shall burn for eternity in hell.” After that somewhat unnerving comment, the angel blew a raspberry and left in a flurry of feathers. 

All was silent for a while until the Policeman came back with a defeated look on his face, saying that after some research, the angel’s information proved correct. These strangers are in fact named Sam and Dean Winchester. He quickly added that the angel was still lying, but refused to answer how. 

We sent Intern Brad to the motel, where he called out the names Sam and Dean, writing down which one of the strangers reacted to which name. According to his experiment, the angsty, pouty one is Dean, and the one with a luscious mane is Sam. From here on out, those are the names we’ll be using.

The Sheriff’s Secret Police left the bright pink Mini-Cooper outside the motel with a note that reads “For the strangers.” In response to this, Dean Winchester has again taken to yelling profanity into the air. Most of it had to do with how a bright pink Mini-Cooper was not an acceptable replacement for the Impala. Sam Winchester attempted to calm his brother down, but failed miserably. After quite a bit more yelling, Dean apparently grew tired of it and went to inspect the vehicle. Some indistinct conversation and checking of their belongings later, Sam got into the car. They drove to the diner, where Dean angrily ate a breakfast consisting of an entire raspberry pie. 

They asked around the establishment whether or not the other patrons have observed anything strange in the past week or two. One said that the blood coming out of their walls had become a shade of purple, but they had gotten a plumber to look at it. One said that their fireplace lit itself the day before, and that it doesn’t usually happen until Monday. Several more people described minor inconsistencies in their lives, and the brothers left the diner looking thoroughly confused. I can only assume that they, like Carlos, are actually new to our little town. My previous theory about Creepy Friday can’t be right. I mean, no one from Night Vale could possibly keep a straight face pretending to be these two.

Intern Brad tried approaching them again, but was roughly taken by the shoulders and asked what the hell this place was. When he quite rightly answered that it was nothing in particular, just a small desert town, the Winchesters groaned and set off in their Mini-Cooper , presumably to explore the city. More on this story as it unfolds.


	3. Intern Death #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchesters get a lead on a source of supernatural phenomenon. It's surprising and thought to be quite, quite dead.

The Winchesters have spent the day talking to seemingly random citizens of Night Vale. We have interviewed those who have come in contact with the strangers, and they have told us that conversation topics included demons, pagan gods, tricksters, genies, and angels. People answered that demons and tricksters only come along every other Sunday, then proceeded to explain that pagan gods only graced our town on the solstices and equinoxes of the year. When pressed, sometimes against a wall, about angels, most reluctantly pointed the brothers to Old Woman Josie. No one knows anything about genies. Why would genies exist? Ridiculous concept, really. What would you do with a genie if you're not named Aladdin?

One of the angels opened the door to Old Woman Josie's house with a smile on his face, which rapidly faded upon seeing the Winchesters. Somewhat concerned, he led the men into house. There, Old Woman Josie’s angelic best friend was playing cards with her. His smile rapidly faded as well. The eyes of Sam and Dean widened. At this point, our bug on the wall Intern Brad, who had literally been turned into a bug upon contact with the Man in the Tan Jacket, was squished, along with his tiny camera and microphone.

The Winchesters did not emerge from her house for quite a long time. The exit was noted by intern Jerry, who is in fact, our last completely corporeal intern. Note to self, get more interns. Decide policies of the draft at a later time. Now, back to the broadcast. When the strangers emerged, they looked positively shell shocked, engaged in frantic conversation. As they pushed past last intern Jerry, the name Gabriel was dropped several times. Which Gabriel they are referring to is unknown. In fact, the name Gabriel is fundamentally ambiguous, as one tenth of Night Vale has that name. They all look exactly alike, though some look more like themselves than others. We do not know if the strangers have met any of the Gabriels, but it seems unlikely, seeing as how they have not asked for anyone’s names.

Jerry the last intern tried to talk to the Winchesters, but was shaken off. They went to their car, rummaged around the weapons in their trunk, and went back into Old Woman Josie’s house. Jerry stuck around until they came out a second time, and managed to score an interview.

“What do ya want, kid? We’re busy.” said Dean Winchester, pushing Jerry’s hand off of his shoulder.

“Look, I’m sorry, we can’t give you an interview. This town is freaking us out, and we’d like to get that solved before talking to some teenager from the radio station.” said Sam.

When asked about why they were ‘freaking out’, Sam answered again. “Why we’re freaking out? Oh, no reason. Everything here’s perfectly fine. You don’t have two mouths, we didn’t see a two headed guy today, no one complained about bleeding walls, and we didn’t just find our dead friend in an Old Woman’s parlor! Why should we be freaking out?”

Jerry, as a person with Asperger’s, did not pick up on the suspected sarcasm of the words and frowned in confusion before being pushed to the side. While the intern is tracking the Winchesters, let’s get to the weather.


	4. Lemony Snicket is Scary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean banish all of Old Woman Josie's angels, blinding Jerry in the process. They set about interrogating her, while the intern fights for his life.

Jerry, looking through the house’s window, saw the Winchesters paint a figure on the wall with their own blood. The angels panicked, but were promptly banished from the premises in a flash of light. Now, angels do not exist and thus cannot be banished, but the brothers have seemingly found a way around this nihility. Also, Intern Jerry is saying he was blinded in the blast. I offer my sincerest condolences to his parents, friends, and appointed killer. To the parents, I say, I’m sorry that your son was blinded in the line of duty. To the friends, I say, I’m sorry that you can’t play together with fair teams for a while. To his appointed killer, I say, you best get him now, before he gains the powers of The Daredevil, and becomes Night Vale’s newest superhero.

Jerry reports an increased sense of hearing already, and is listening in on the questioning of Old Woman Josie. Hm. It seems the powers of blindness are kicking in quite quickly. Hurry up, appointed killer. You don’t have much time. Now, the interrogation. Josie is being asked where the angels came from. She’s telling the truth, about the lightbulbs, everything. She says that she suspects that her amazing homemade cookies drew the beings to her house. The Winchesters are quote unquote; frowning audibly. Come on, appointed killer. Jerry might be able to echolocate within the minute. The question is repeated, now with the angel Gabriel as a focal point. Josie is telling the truth again, saying that all angels are named Erika. Jerry reports that he can now hear the Winchester’s thoughts. Apparently, all angels are not named Erika. The names Castiel, Balthazar, Zacariah, Raphael, Uriel, and several others flash through their heads. What did these boys do? Read the Bible? If you’re going to be spouting that new age garbage over good old Greek Gods and Ancestor Worship, please do so without innocent interns listening. Let them form their own opinions, which coincidentally conform with the opinions of society. It’s the best way. Also, appointed killer, Jerry says he can feel you arriving at the scene. He says he can read your mind. You are definitely at a disadvantage here. Try to think of nothing. Here, let me help you out, so you two can have a fair fight. 

Rainbows. Happiness. Fur. Puppies. Hyenas. Yelping. Blood. Carcass. Stillness. Gulping. Gunshot. Crying. Gunshot. Stillness. Mortality. Tunnel. Light. Fire. Brimstone. Sins. Penance. Why? 

Jerry is frantically reporting that his killer is in fact, award winning author Lemony Snicket , who has owned a manor in Night Vale for quite a long time. He is grinning maniacally. Jerry is scrambling frantically away. No one has ever bested Lemony Snicket. His razor bladed pen has a one hundred percent mortality rate. There's...screaming. Jerry’s mic is picking up…nothing. Nothing but the gurgling of blood. No less than I expected. I send my condolences again to Jerry's family and friends, and congratulations on a job well done to his appointed killer. Oh, what's this? We are getting something from the microphone. Lemony Snicket is speaking. “I am not sorry to the family of Jerry. This is my duty, as a citizen of Night Vale. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. I am working on a new series, by the way. I couldn’t announce it sooner, as my previous murders didn’t have radio coverage. It is called ‘Destruction of Sennacherib’ in honor of the poem by Lord Byron. I will release more details later. Goodbye.”

Wait, award winning author Lemony Snicket, don’t go yet. Could you please offer us a brief synopsis of what is happening in the house? Mhm. Of course. I see. Thank you, Lemony Snicket. It appears that the Winchesters have finally weaseled out a bit of information from Old Woman Josie. The angel who was playing cards with her had called himself Gabriel on several occasions. This is quite odd. An angel not named Erika. Imagine that. They must be a deviant of some sort.

Lemony Snicket has dropped the microphone, and is currently striding leisurely away from the scene. It appears that we have no more interns left at all, thanks to the practice of culling the weak. Anyone who wishes to be an intern, please come to the station, receive your gear, and report to the training course. It will last seven days, during which you will learn parkour, alchemy, the summoning and bonding of demons, and the elementary mechanics of radio. In the meantime, we will try to negotiate with the Sheriff’s Secret Police to get running updates on the Winchesters. Good night, Night Vale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the nearly 2 month haitus, guys. I'm not going to make excuses, I'm just terrible at keeping up with responsibilities. Expect semi-regular updates from hereon-in, but don't be too disappointed if they don't show up for a while.


	5. Intern Training Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchesters talk to Gabriel, opening the conversation to what exactly Night Vale is.

The response to the call for new Interns has been astounding. Night Vale; say hello to Intern Jean, Intern Jasmin, Intern Margarito, and Intern Donella. Say goodbye to potential Interns; Terrance, Dwayne, Percy, Chance, Harland, Otha, Rico, Nathaniel, Logan, Paul, Alfonzo, Jewel, Granville, Clint, Winston, Emmitt, Everett, Lynn, Dudley, Joel, Marie, Iva, Madison, Dia, Jacqualine, Lynda, Piper, Domenica, Kristen, Bibi, Cherri, Gertie, Candice, Raylene, Rebecca, Joaquina, Terrilyn, Lucretia, Celestina, and Branda, who died in the training course in various ways, but chiefly because of a botched demon bonding. 

Though we have less Interns than I expected, I’m sure that Jean, Jasmin, Margarito, and Donella will do perfect work. Their parkour is fluid, their alchemy impossible, their demon skills top of the line, and their radio knowledge impeccable.   
It was Donella, after all, who sent Ba’al back to hell with an advanced exorcism, only to be broken on the winter solstice with the blood of a virgin, the ashes of a righteous man, the skull of an ancient king, a blessing from Bastet, and five hundred ballots voting for the green party. 

The Demon was responsible for a local time distortion while he was out of his binding circle. This transformed the weeklong training course into a second long affair, speaking from our perspective. All of the Interns came out a year older and worse for wear. So, even if your child suffered at the hands of Ba’al for months on end before passing into the sweet embrace of death, their misery lasted only half a second in real world time. This is a lie, a distortion of the facts to give you sleep at night. It represents all that is wrong with humanity, and our deliberate, willful ignorance of the greater truth. However, if it alleviates your guilt, and lets you live without the blood of your firstborn on your trembling fingertips, by all means. Lie. Lie until your vision goes black. Lie until you cannot tell apart reality and fantasy, lie until you are no longer yourself and the universe is no longer cruel. Lie until darkness isn’t scary, until you have confidence, until your child is alive. Lie perpetually. Lie to cover up your lying. Become a lie. Spread the lie to everyone. It is your purpose now.

Because of this time distortion, only a day has passed since our call for interns. Battle hardened and a bit tired, Intern Jean is ready to answer the call of community radio, and is getting to Old Woman Josie’s house. The Sheriff’s Secret Police refused our request to tail the Winchesters in the name of an informed populace, as that is “Fundamentally against what we stand for” and “An ignorant populace is the most docile populace.” However, they did offer up one single nugget of information; that the Winchesters had in fact gone home, slept, then made an appointment with the angel, which is commencing now.

Jean is currently looking through the window of Old Woman Josie’s house, reporting that the Winchesters are talking with the angel Gabriel. Old Woman Josie is in the other room, looking slightly shell shocked. Jean’s mic is picking up the shattering of glass, and grunting. He…He’s climbed into the house. I didn’t expect this. Well. Okay. I’m hearing the tones of faint conversation. Oddly, not Jean’s breathing. The talking is getting louder. 

“So you’re saying you didn’t die?”  
“Nope. I just woke up here.”   
“You woke up here and let us handle Satan on our own?”   
“I didn’t let you, I just couldn’t.”  
“What the hell do you mean, you couldn’t?”  
“I just couldn’t. I can’t leave.”  
“You can’t leave?”  
“Don’t tell me you can’t see anything wrong in this town.”  
“It’s definitely off, but binding an archangel? Not on that level.”  
“Dean, do you remember what state this town is in?”  
Silence.   
“Do you remember why you came here?”  
Silence. “Son of a bitch.”


End file.
